Run, run, run.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFatODUR1CE&index=10&list=PLjXJ1UIH0RYfe4vLiUHFIc3mp_uTHXM_F

Be brave. Be brave I tell myself. I hear the pounding of my feet against the solid pavement--its color is not a fierce black, but rather a faded grey, cracked in more places than one could count. Though despite its worn out state, it goes on continually. Surviving the rough effects that people and cars and weather have had on it. The pavement: the path I travel, reminds me of myself. In a crazy situation, beaten down and underestimated, yet still standing. I am strong. I tell myself. I will not let their false depictions of me define who I truly am. Because the real Taylor is strong, and kind, and not useless. No matter how far I am pushed, no matter how far I have to go, I will make it. I will go far in life and be happy. I will be brave. My lungs gasp for air and my muscles burn from how far they've come. Keep going. Keep going and don't stop. Pound. Pound. My feet make a steady rhythm. I hear the sound of bravery. Of pushing forward even when your alone. My lungs filling and emptying, moving the air. Just as my body screams for me to give up, I run as far as my feet will push me. The air swerves around my slick body and I make my final push forward. And soon I see my destination in the far distance. I smile. Then, with a determined stare, I keep my gaze towards the sky just above my house. Just keep going. And I do. Soon 5 feet stand between me and the finish point. Then 3. Then 2. Then I make it. Step. Step. Deep breathes. I place my hands on my knees and lean over.
I look up triumphantly.
Here I am, here I stand at the curb of my house.
Another successful run. I feel much better already.

Broken Heart and New Start.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Do5EiXdV9Y8&feature=youtu.be&t=2m5s
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December is coming up. It will have been a year this December since him and I went back to our separate worlds, and yet, somedays I still think about what we were like together. It would be a lie to say I don't miss some parts of what we were. Because when I found him, "I found love, where it wasn't supposed to be.. right in front of me." </3 

Yes, its true, I do still miss you. 

But life goes on and I will too.

         



              

October is revealing

The past few weeks have been so strange/ eye opening. One was spent frantically hurrying to make up work I had not done but was supposed to have had done, and the other was a mix of feeling exhausted and sick or exercising.

 I had my first track meet, and that was so interesting. For some reason, I felt like I belonged. And I haven't felt that way in a long time, despite how it sometimes appears. It's been a sign that life will go on, even if it is rough at the time. I can go on, and I will be ok. That is what I have learned from this past month.

The Low Points in Life

Last year I was asked to write about a time that my life was a mess AKA a hard time that was chaotic and "messy" and surely, it was easy to point out the messes in my life, for there were so many times I could find what I did wrong, or how life had been hard. It's something we as humans are very good at, comparing, envying, wanting what we can't have. It's only natural. Anyways, so as I was about ready to write my short narrative on how hard my life had been,  something else was mentioned about the prompt: that we were to write not just about how the mess was hard, but rather how it was beautiful. This definitely presented a challenge but eventually I thought of the perfect experience. When life was rough, In fact, I actually chuckled at memory of that specific rough year, recalling how hard it had been, and how easy it had become since then. This was my final passage:

My Beautiful Mess

"I still remember 2014. That was the year I went numb. No, no tragic hospital event or illnesses went on , no painstaking injuries. Rather , something a bit more permanent. I lost enthusiasm. I stopped caring. My life was at its low point on the plot of life. It had reached the “messy point”. I would wake up in my messy room, walk mindlessly to school , falsely smile at people who said hi. I was in my own transparent world. Letting people’s ideas and enthusiasm pass through me. I soon was in my own world in a different setting. Instead of brick walls and white tiles showing through the translucent girl that I was, tree’s and soil, air and skies painted a picture in my world it started out slow, as girls camp started, it resembled my empty habits of school. But when testimony night hit, I sat. Sat in a group of warmth and emotion. People that cared. It was the day before the last day of camp. Something broke through. Maybe it was all the emotion, the love, the spirit I felt. Maybe it was the tree’s working on my soul. The sky lifting my world back to where it should be. I cried. I felt  the love break through the emptiness. I was in the same place as they were. Happy again. I cared. I cared for a life that brought happiness and helped people to be in the right world . The mess I had for a whole year, had brought me to learn to feel, it taught me why it was important to feel. And I loved it, getting to feel like I was loved. And normal. It was beautiful. "

This past month has been quite rough for me. A lot of things have come up that I could never see myself being able to deal with. And yet, I have seemed to be here, doing them. I guess that's always the good part of hard stuff, it makes you learn to deal with it so that the next hard thing is easier. Simple enough. And yet, when going through that hard stuff it makes enduring it seem impossible. As I've been trying to "do" life these past months, I've slowly begun to fall back to the same feelings I had in 2014. The feelings of not caring, not feeling much, not finding joy in anything. As I was thinking about it all this writing from last year came to mind. I guess that if I made it through all of that, that I can go through what I'm currently dealing with. Though I have no idea how yet, I am going to end this week with a hopeful attitude, because someday, I may look back to 2016 as the beautiful messy year that I made it through, and perhaps, I will chuckle at the memory of how chaotic ridiculous  and absolute beautiful this year was. I look forward to that day. ♡

You are not what others perceive you to be.

So, lately I've been thinking about the idea that how others see you does not define what you are or can be. Our lives are all different than what we show- in fact , we rarely see each others chaos and struggle, because its more comfortable to hide it. But this is an awful way of us to be, because it makes us all think of others as "perfect" or to think that the whole world (besides us) has no struggles because thats what they show when you see them for the second, minute, or short hour spent with them. So judgment is easy, but , I think its important for us to consider, no matter who it is, a kid, a teen, an adult, any person, that we all struggle, we all have crap in our lives. And I think this helps us to not want to give up in life. It also helps us to realize that just like others aren't always as they appear, we aren't as we appear to others. So why would you believe or even let something persuade you that is based on the fraction of emotion and facts that others see? This is something I'm constantly learning , especially as i'm getting older. Ive noticed that a lot of people try to be different then themselves to please the people who tell them they are or aren't things. And this seems so crazy to me (yet it is ridiculously relatable to what I do personally), that a person would change who they are so that they can feel accepted and be told they are "good " or "fit in" .  I think its very understandable when you consider that not being accepted or thought well of by others can really hurt, but I also think that if your living to please others, your not going to be happy yourself. Its a very interesting thing, determining how much of others influence you will let in. Anyways, I have just arrived back from the trip, which I will post about tomorrow, and I am gonna head to bed, nights <3

xoxo / Savannah

Expectations vs. being yourself

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5rhMPgRp4Y


So, i thought this video was beautiful. I love this so so much. Dont get me wrong, I think its totally fine to like makeup, and heels, and getting yourself looking cute! But the thing is, I think what really matters is how you feel about yourself. Please don't waste your life trying to change yourself for others! :) I speak from experience when I say that you really are just happiest when you accept yourself without all the extra things. Love you guys! <3

A Long Weekk

Gah Ive had a long week.. But, Im not complaining . Its definitely been a good use of living, I just really need to work on my ideas for art . So I guess this is a short update for ya'll :p. If I actually get some stuff done I will say so. :)